We found out that on October 5th that Dylan is going to be a big brother. Talk about bittersweet. We have wanted this since February and it seemed to take forever. I know our hearts needed some time to heal before we could open them up to another baby. Sometimes it still feels too soon. Dylan's birthday is in 17 days; Christmas in 24; the baby is now 12 weeks and I am moving into the second trimester. I have so many emotions running through me and so many thoughts clouding my head; I'm not even sure how to separate them anymore. I feel so torn between trying to find positivity and be excited about this new life and grieving my sweet baby whose life was cut way too short. I am beyond terrified of something happening to this baby, too, but for the most part, it is all out of my control. The past year has felt totally out of my control, and I hate it. I have to believe that we will have a happy outcome this time, but I have to convince myself of that daily. Dylan is the Squid. This baby is the Squirt. We hope to meet the Squirt in 6 months or less, and we hope to bring this baby home to Dylan's nursery, happy and healthy. Safe and sound.
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