It's a Boy!

This day last year I was a nervous wreck.  We were scheduled for our 20 week anatomy scan, and I was so afraid of something being wrong with the baby.  I didn't care what the gender was, but I had a feeling it was a boy.  I remember tearing up in the waiting room because I was so scared.  Then when we saw our baby on the big screen, swimming around, holding his legs with his hands and sticking his butt out at us, I couldn't help but smile and laugh.  I was so relieved.  Baby Mathews was perfect and a little boy!  We left the office with 3 pictures and huge grins.  I went home and texted about 90 people to let them know.  I went to Babies R Us and bought him a few things to celebrate.  What a happy day.

Now, one year later, I am so sad thinking back.  I thought once we got past that hurdle and everything was okay, that Dylan was a sure thing.  I never imagined that I would lose him.  I read horror stories about it, but never thought it would end up being me.  Dylan was absolutely perfect, but my body failed him.  It's a hard pill to swallow.  I know, well hope, that I didn't do anything to cause his death, but it doesn't make my guilt as his mother any easier.  However, I am grateful for this memory today.  I hope that I will always remember how happy I was then.