This time 7 months ago I was completely unaware of the crap that was about to become my life. Dylan was born on 12/18/10 at 9:28 p.m. after I abrupted approximately 50 minutes before. I thought my water had broken and I was so excited. How can life change so violently in only seconds? I knew he was going to die. I had read the baby books. I have a sister who is a labor and delivery nurse. I knew that hemorrhaging meant he wasn't getting oxygen. I wanted the EMTs to move faster. Why did they keep asking me stupid questions life my birthdate and social security number? Just get this baby out of me or he will die! He didn't have a chance. He wasn't meant to be.
I hate that I couldn't come home from work tonight and hug and kiss him. I hate that this house is always so quiet when I know it should be filled with crying and babbling. I hate that I don't even recognize myself anymore. I know I used to smile and enjoy life. Where did that Missy go? She's with Dylan and I don't know if she's ever coming back.
I love you baby boy. Hope you're enjoying marking 7 months in heaven. xoxo
(((HUGS))) I relate so much to this post. "He didn't have a chance. He wasn't meant to be." I have thought that SO many times about my precious son. I read up on fetomaternal hemorrhage and it just blows my mind to think there is truly no way we could have predicted it or intervened in a timely enough manner. I just don't undertand how these things happen so freaking fast with no known cause. It is painful to have answers that only lead to more questions, which seems to be the case for both of us.
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